心情 Part 2

现在的心情，有点矛盾，是关于我的家人。

有时候，我觉得自己很不爱家。

因为我比较喜欢待在别的地方，一个没有父母兄弟姐妹和公公嬤嬤的地方。

原因嘛...

本来我的家可以很开心，很自由...那是在公公嬤嬤还没来和我们住时。

本来我以为我会慢慢习惯和接受多了两个成员的家...

本来我很尊敬他们两老...

可是...原来我妈妈跟嬤嬤不和。

她们在别人面前是没什么，可是平时却象是在暗暗斗争。

每一次，我都觉得累...觉得自己不懂该帮谁。

从多方面了解到，原来我嬤嬤以前是真的对我妈妈不好。

可是我不懂到底发生什么事，我不敢问妈妈...怕她心情会不好。

那是以前，还小所以不懂。至少现在的我懂...嬤嬤看不起读少书的人。

我妈妈虽然只有小六毕业，可是还是懂很多啊~

虽然不明显，可是我觉得她喜欢借机会来批评读少书的人。每次看了报纸就一直讲关于教育啊，没读书的人啊，等等的新闻...

我不懂我妈妈有没在意，但是我很在意。

每一次，我都想对嬤嬤说，书读得少有错吗？你就那么希望所有人知道你有很会读书的孙子女吗？

没错，我的堂兄姐都很会读书。每次说到他们，嬤嬤最高兴，而我就随便应酬她。

还有，她最喜欢听她女儿（姑姑们）的话，这没有错。可是我妈说的话就可以不听？

我真的觉得你在看不起我妈...我不懂还能忍到几时...我知道，我和妈妈应该尊敬你老人家。

可是，你有尊敬过身为晚辈的我们吗？

你女儿们一定会挺你，那我妈妈也有我挺。

嬤嬤，我还是会尊敬你...可是...

如果妈妈和嬤嬤同时掉进海里...我会先救妈妈。

所以，有时真的不想待在这样的家。

可是不能留下妈妈...而且我也会想家。

实习，应该选择哪里呢？有太多需要考虑...

心情 Part 1

今天，我开始了我的休闲假期。。。

可是，我却觉得还是忙碌的好。

有很多话想说，不懂要对谁说。

因为很多事情，没人问我就不说咯。

儿子说，只要写在blog，别人就会知道我在想什么咯～

我只是懒惰写。。。

跟你们说哦，这个假期啊，我想了好多好多的事情。

想以前，想现在，想未来。。。

以前的我，相信过爱情是美好的。

现在的我，开始怀疑爱情的存在。

未来的我，也许会希望爱情重来。

内心深处，有把声音在告诉我。。。想谈恋爱。（不要笑）

明明怀疑，可是还是想爱。

明明知道，自己已经很难再被感动，可是就是想爱。

明明觉得，自己看破红尘没了感情，可是就是想爱。

整个假期，看见很多情侣。。。对，我很羡慕。

可是很矛盾，因为来自古晋，可是这段时间却待在西马。

我很担心自己会喜欢或爱上西马男生。。。

不是不好，是担心未来的我，会在哪里。

我也觉得自己不会经营爱情，不然为什么都是失败收场。

可能以前脾气比较坏，越亲的人，我越容易发脾气，不懂。。。

几年前，晓莉说过我的脾气，我开始改。

然后现在，只有在面对压力，我还要加油。＾＾

可是就因为一直控制自己的情绪，连同感情也被我用理智来控制着。

所以很难再被感动了。。。

而且，我也是被动型的，就算有喜欢的人，也不会去告白。

因为我怕又再次失去朋友。

最近才发现了一件事，有那么一点点震惊和在意。

有个男性朋友，他有了女朋友。

他和她看起来很幸福，很开心。

可是我发现，他在我心里还是有那么一点点的重要。

好多好多回忆一直来烦我，好的不好的都有。

以前，我们相处在一起时那么开心，自在。。。

曾经想过只要偷偷暗恋就好，结果却让他发现。

从此，他对我冷淡，之后也因为一个误会而变得完全不交谈。

被拒绝没关系，可是偏偏连朋友都不是了。。。

尝试过要和好，可是每次碰面都视而不见。。。

因为他，我不再对爱情有期望，只希望拥有家人与友情。

因为他，我开始残酷开始无情，也不让自己爱上其他人。

每关系，就祝他们永远幸福。

就当作，他不配拥有我的爱。

Angry...

Have you realized something??

I think it's hard for me to hate a person who I treat him as a friend before.
Of course I'm angry with his attitude...
I don't like the way he do his works...
Somehow feel hard to participate with him...

Yes, I know...I also not that good...
But what's the point is...has he ever think about others feeling before he do or say something??

Sometime, I'm also like that. But I know that, and I try to change it...hw about him?
Is't he wants to continue like this??

Can he listens to what others advised him to control or change his attitude?

I'm so sorry to come out with this post. But, I cant let this feeling inside my heart for so long...I want somewhere jto express it...

Part of my CNY...

Weird...it's really weird...

This yr cny...i feel not that enjoy and happy like prior yrs...y?

I'm happy to go back home, but i still cnt feel the real cny...is hard to explain.

Firstly, my sister din come back for tuan yuan fan with us...because she gt work until the 1st day of cny...she off only for the 2nd and 3rd day of cny...

Secondly, my brother gt national service...he came back late and will be go to camp early on the fith day of cny...and during cny, he keep go out with his friends only...my mum got a bit nt happy...

Thirdly, my mum and my grandmother were not well with each other. I'm nt understand why this happen...since i was small...i knew that my mum doesn't like my grandma...as i know, my grandma gt certain attitude that made my mum not happy.
This time come back, they are still the same. They didn't show out, bt i knw that.

Last, i'm nt really like certain of my relative from my father's side...i like my relatives frm my mum's side the most. Both totally different.

Luckily my friends in Serian still the same...very funny...

Suppose i wana write something happy about cny...bt what came into my mind were all those unhappy things...assignment also the 1 make me cnt enjoy...

Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wana go back faster...
I don't wana see their face...
I just realize that i also can hate others...
But nvr expect I will hate them b4 cny...

Trying to ignore them...ignore their act...
Muntah darah punya!!!!!

One of my friend said that, that guy wana protect that girl...
Damm stupid!!!!!
If like that...I need nt be protect lol???? Only that girl is right lol??!!

Eat shit lal!!!!!

He nvr knw what he said to me...is hurting me...

Today same class with them...I felt nt comfortable...wana run away...
Don't wana see their shit face...

PS: I nvr say others like this b4.

Hey shit guy, I wont regret what I hv done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, you should regret for yr stupid action!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now, I will celebrate cny happily~~~~~~without seeing those shit faces~~~~~~oh yes!!!

Happy chinese new year to all my lovely friends ya~~~~^.^

Just to tell you what i feel...

Sad...

Try to be simple in life...bt can't.
Everything around me is complicated.

Try to be happy go lucky...bt can't.
Some feelings are out of control.

Try to ignore all...bt can't.
I still care about them.

Try to not complain...bt can't.
I need to spread out my feelings.

Try to disappear...bt can't.
There is no place for me to hide.

Try to hate some1...bt can't.
He/She may not know they are hurting me.

Try to be strong...bt can't.
Somehow I need some1 protect me.

I'm a normal human being too...